We are raised with an expectation of managing life events skilfully without expressing an ounce of pain or agony. Physical pain is included here as well. Like for instance, upon falling down from the bicycle while trying hands on it for the first time, the immediate remark we get after the bruised knees is to not be a ‘cry baby’ as it’s obvious to get hurt. Upon facing the first rejection from the ‘crush’ in the teenage period, the comment received is again ‘do not be cry baby’ as you have assignments ahead of you to finish. The list can be an endless one…. and how beautifully we are taught to mask our emotions in the face of forceful denial.

But in order to build a hedonistic mindset isn’t it important to first habitually accept our various mental experiences- both good & bad or positive & negative. Experiences or thoughts which are unacceptable or generate feelings of uneasiness are bound to make us judgemental about it and create a sense of struggle. So rather than suppressing, altering or ruminating about it so as to modify the strength and intensity or frequency of the emotion/ thought immediately, can we simply try to watch it and be aware of what it is telling i.e., receiving it the way it is without a controlling attempt? This can perhaps help us gain more clarity about where we are not being able to regulate the emotion and eventually help engage in acceptance.

Mindfulness is an important contributory factor here as well.

But the reason I am writing this is because, this year has not been easy just like 2020.  Not necessary the pandemic has caused difficulties for all; there can always be a multitude of stressors contributing to emotional upheavals. As a professional, I only wish to convey the message that it is okay if you (who is reading) have not been able to cope well or be at your best because you did not do it willingly and there is no shame to acknowledge and absorb negative emotions. Also, to mention specifically, acceptance does not mean surrendering to the sufferings or giving up faith and hope that no life changes will take place.  

We tend to shout aloud about “breaking stigma” related to mental health but isn’t the stigma ingrained deeply in our mechanism itself where we tend to shy away from the slightest of unpleasant life experiences. Just like seasons, humans are bound to experience all sorts of emotions and emotional acceptance can be considered as a better strategy than avoidance as it destroys the negative assumptions pertaining to the unwanted thought or situation. So, try to observe and befriend the situation, it will hurt a tad bit but won’t kill you. Acceptance (of negative emotions) is like embracing the truth- ‘it is what it is’ and this not just helps reduce stress faster but also enhances our logical thinking ability to cope rationally and regulate better anger and impulses.

A plethora of research work supports the above-mentioned sentences in case you feel it is a utopian concept. Hope you had an experiential reading!

-Priyanka Paul, Clinical Psychologist