Relationships are held responsible for both the greater joys in life and the kvetching sorrows. A successful or a broken relationship involves actions of every self or individual participating in this unforeseen bond of self-disclosure, trust, care, interdependence, mutuality, commitment, expectations and humor. Short-lived friendships, overnight flings, runaway brides, promiscuous grooms, fighting over not wanting a child are the shoddy sides of a relationship which many dread at times but there is always a sunny side of receiving support in troubled times. 

For instance, 23-year-old Janice, loved bright summer work-shy mornings preparing breakfast with her partner Harry who was also looking for a full-time job just like her. It wasn’t until the late monsoon that Harry bagged his dream job of working in MNC and would leave early morning with the break of daylight to travel a kilometer to his workstation while Janice who was an Artist by profession would continue to engage herself in work-from-home projects. The work-shy mornings soon turned into indolent afternoons and hang fire evenings. It is not that Janice developed pangs of insecurity for Harry but the distance, in spite of being under the same roof and sharing the same bed at the end of the day, made them develop an affinity for different people rather than each other.

Doesn’t it sound like the usual plot of a movie or tv series or perhaps something you have heard from friends or may have experienced in your own life as well?

However, Cheers if life is taking a sunny side up for you.

Now for the soddy ones… in general (irrespective of the narrative), difficulties arise in relationships cause of errors is in Decision Making. In search of thrills, one considers the impulse-laden desires to be the relationship goals of life. Sadly, both the outcome and the source are often a bruised heart and a reckless mind; and the tales of love are then often sung by blooded and lacerated hands. Can hurting the self-help bring about peace of mind?

The second is a Poor Self Image. It is not about a muscular body or a curvy-shaped figure admiring self in front of a mirror or a timid geeky frizzy-haired person intimidated by this thought. It is about being unable to accept the inner self the way it is and hence feeling perturbed across many situations while confronting members of the opposite sex mostly.

Love- involving intimacy, passion and commitment according to Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love (1986) explains well how different relationships fit well in divergent Homo sapiens.

Love is an intense form of emotion that breeds no specific aura, language or rules yet we aim to tame it in the due course of life. Not necessary hardships mark “all bad in relationships” and “all good is a fine weather without any storms”. Being in a relationship is like sailing a boat where two people need to row else it may drown. If it does drown, it is to be remembered that one can always make a new boat to sail.

However, to escape is temporary and facing the problems is necessary, so

• Talk to your partner. Let the person get a reflection of the joys and sorrows.
• Unconditional worth is priceless. Your first cooked fish may be less cooked or not so beautifully garnished but if a reasonable remark without criticism can fill the heart, then why not a half-filled tummy?
• Finally, it is necessary to be realistic. Not all are riding to the moon and back or surfing in the Bahamas. So, a walk in the nearby garden or some late-night talks in person with hot Chocolate can also make up the mind.

Relationships require a great amount of time and energy in spite of the busy schedule along with acceptance and commitment to see the sunny side up of it. Can you flip the coin towards mutuality? Ask yourself and I hope you had a good read.

–Priyanka Paul, Clinical Psychologist